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We ALL need help!…hard to argue with that, huh?
In conversations with a new business acquaintance recently, the thought (above) hit me pretty close to home and as I pondered it, of course I thought “aha, good material for the next Leadership Moment series!”. The objective with this message is really twofold (hopefully I can make two points in one page, we’ll see). First point:…that we all need input, assistance, mentors and coaches in our lives—ALL of us….and point # 2: to share with you some aspects regarding ‘first impressions’ that have become evident to me.
I have personally gone through many changes in my life recently and people have entered and left for a variety of reasons (no need for details at this time…however if you have a few hours to kill, I will be happy to share!). Because of these changes, I have been very conscious / concerned of a void that has resulted – not having people around to give me honest input, coaching and thoughts about ME. Now, because of the world of leadership and training that I live in, this need is something that I very strongly believe in and seek continuously. Quite by chance I stumbled into the path of someone who has taken up some of that slack and has helped fill that void for me. It took some boldness on their part, but I was being provided with some pretty good observations and critiquing of ME: my habits, behaviors, etc that I had developed and needed to address. Just so you don’t think this is just about me rambling on about my life, let me make point #1 clear right here. As I was receiving this input, I had a few choices to make…get mad at ‘these things’ I was hearing about ME; change the subject, forgive and forget; reject the input as though it wasn’t true; OR thank this person for their input. Consider what you typically observe when people receive feedback or ‘criticism’ (by the way, how do you respond?). I agree with what you are thinking, the receiver typically has just had their day ruined! Again, because of my work, which often focuses on helping leaders and managers in self-assessment; my response is pretty immediate and sincere in these situations. As Gomer Pyle used to say (and maybe still does?)… “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!” Why?…because this person has just HELPED me. The point is that these observations were right on – just a few little quirks that I had developed unconsciously that will be easily corrected. The only negative takeaway for me is thinking about how many people have written me off or thought less of me because of these quirks? Why didn’t they tell me right then and there? You and I know the answer: they didn’t feel comfortable enough, the relationship wasn’t strong enough or they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, right? The reality here takes us back to the original point: that we all need people in our lives that will do that for us (not to us, but for us). I will also acknowledge that the approach and tact of the person providing the input has something to do with our reception! This recent situation made me realize another angle of this…that these mentors don’t necessarily have to be someone extremely close to us. In fact, the person in question here is someone that I have only known a short while, but we have been able to honestly communicate on a professional level with each other that has hopefully been mutually beneficial. If you think this is nuts and it can’t really happen or work that way—you are the one that is nuts! Want to know how?…what the secret is? ANSWER: it is ALL about your attitude, security and beliefs about YOU! …Do you think you are a completed project? Do you think you cannot improve? Consider that you are as good as it gets? Do you really want to know your flaws?
I can see right now that my second point about first impressions is not going to get much attention with just a little bit of space remaining -- so just a couple of brief, hopefully connecting thoughts. Think about how you and I have made judgements about people in our past based on first impressions. Think about what may have made that impression negative and how maybe unfairly you ( and I) just wrote them off. Maybe you view somebody that talks funny, incorrectly or different from you negatively or maybe they just have some habit or trait that you don’t like. Possibly they don’t realize it and would love to have that pointed out to HELP them!?! That can be tricky obviously, but let me just pose a few questions to YOU: Are you presenting a good first impression to people? Do you know why or why not?….NOT UNLESS YOU ARE OPEN TO FINDING OUT AND ASKING FOR INPUT. Bottom line: Leaders help people and ask for help…AND…Leaders seek out mentors and mentor others themselves. My recent experience tells me that we had better have those who will point out what needs to be pointed out. Better just leave it at that for now….hope you have a great day…people are amazing!
Take care, Doug